SPEECHLESS...

Checking in on a bit of a down note...

This weekend, a former classmate of mine passed away tragically, committing suicide at a party... so this is my topic for the week...  I am speechless, I don't know what to say... Suicide is a very tough topic to address, there are so many variables obviously attached to it...Just the thought of it makes me sick, looking at his Facebook page, he's talking like everything's fine hours before he died and then BOOM he's gone... I'm not even that close to the guy and its really striking a chord, so can you imagine what his parents, his 4 brothers and his close friends and relatives must be feeling right now???

Guilt is a huge issue when somebody passes away through suicide, their loved ones are going to constantly wonder what more they could have done or maybe even resent themselves for having missed something, a red flag, a warning sign that he was in pain and needed some help... Closure in that regard is gonna take a world of time, I am fortunate enough not to have experienced suicide with any of my loved ones, although I did have 1 with an extended family member... and the news of Chad's untimely and unfortunate passing this weekend scares me... I can only try to imagine the amount of pain and state of mind he was in for him to make the decision to take his own life and how helpless those who were close to him and got left behind must feel right now... This is what scares me most if it were to happen to me, I don't ever wanna be left feeling like what I did wasn't good enough or worse yet, that i didnt do enough.... That type of stuff can haunt you for the rest of your life...

I guess when it comes down to it, this news has forced me to realize that this CAN happen to me and that I need to be as aware and engaged with other people as I can be at all times... I have to take care of my family, my friends and my loved ones, hold them tighter and realize life is too short, things like this can happen anytime anyplace anywhere to anybody even those that I love and care about... Scary thought but it's reality... If I found this out about anyone close to me I have no idea what I would do I'd be devastated, just thinking about it makes my stomach literally turn...

Is it a selfish act? I am a very strong believer that NOBODY has the right to judge anybody who is in enough pain that they believe suicide is the only way out unless they know exactly what and why the person is feeling the way they do... this takes the saying walk a mile in another's shoes to a whole new level... It makes me mad when I hear people say 'They should think about all the people they will leave behind', when you're in considerable pain as Chad apparently was, you dont think about that, you just think about yourself and what you're going through and how you're going to solve the problem or end the pain... I'm not advocating suicide at all in saying this, just pointing out that in a dire situation like that you can't expect somebody to be able to reason like that when they are in so much pain that they can't see another way out... The other thing everybody says is 'Why don't they talk to somebody?' Well, depending on what's going on, they could be afraid to say anything even to those they trust, that's not as easy to do as it sounds, particularly for young people... Being a young person myself, I know all about the 'everything's fine'/'it's all good' facade, we want others to see us in a positive light so we mask whatever problems we have to avoid being a burden to other people... Admitting weakness to many is a big no no... Selfish to some it may be, but I say it's not simply because its human nature to look after ourselves first before others and nobody knows what we really want or need except ourselves... and also most observations of suicide victims are made at least partially out of ignorance, rarely if ever do we know the full story of those who died... At any rate, any case of suicide is very tragic and unfortunate to say the least.

Chad was a former classmate of mine throughout junior high as well as high school we were in the same grad class... I remember him dating back to grade 6, he always had such a smile on his face, always having fun and full of positive energy... But we now know the poor guy was suffering in ways that we all can only imagine we lost a great guy WAY too soon... RIP Chad you're in good hands now...